Loving someone with anxiety

This is quite a personal post but I hope that it helps someone.

I don’t know how to word this without sounding like people with anxiety are so different that they need loving differently because that isn’t what I mean.

However, there are definitely things that I’ve noticed about my anxiety in a relationship situation that is different to that of someone without it.

Personally and from other posts, I’ve read, the fear of people leaving is the main thing. Sometimes this fear of people leaving or doing something wrong means I’m always on tender hooks and find it hard to settle. I also over think my own actions for fear that I will be the one to push people away. This response to a relationship is an insecurity thing I think. It’s possible to protect myself from being hurt.

When me and my boyfriend began dating I was so hesitant to make anything serious and chose to push him away and lie about my feelings because I was scared. Thank god he carried on trying!

Knowing somebody is there can sometimes be enough. For me to know that I’m not alone and that if something goes wrong someone will be there to help and support me. Just having Rob there to say ‘It’ll be okay’ or ‘I’m here’ can literally make everything better instantly. Having him there to just listen is sometimes what I need, even if we’re drunk and neither of us makes much sense its kind of cathartic. Other times I don’t want him to say anything, just carry on like normal. Also at night time, I struggle to sleep sometimes and having Rob there makes it easier than when I’m alone.

The worst case scenario is the first thing that comes to my head most of the time. It isn’t that I don’t trust you or anything like that it’s my mind running my emotions.

For me silence is the hardest thing, I often sleep with music or a TV on, I will sit and do work with something on in the background. This sort of drowns out any unnecessary worries that jump into my head. Also if people don’t reply to my texts or something like that I jump to the worst thought that I’ve done something wrong or they don’t like me. That would be seen as ‘needy’ or ‘clingy’ but for me, that is just what is happening in my brain.

A major thing for me and Rob is that I don’t like going out and he does. Clubs and parties don’t really interest me to start with but also they are quite a big trigger for me. Not that I ever panic when I’m out, for me its the build-up and my brain over thinking everything that could go wrong on a night out. I try my hardest to go out on special occasions because I don’t want to feel left out or come across as rude. Also going out for meals with a group of people I worry about because of the need to talk or impress, Rob is really good at talking to people and being chatty and I love watching people listen to him, cause he’s so funny.

I hope that makes sense. Obviously, it is different for everyone and most of those things apply to any relationship you have with anyone. But for me they are the things I have noticed I need a little more help with because of my anxiety and those days when I’m a little low. I hope this has helped anyone or you might have just found it interesting.

Okay cool, I feel better for writing that so if that’s all its good for then yeah. 🙂

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