Hello lovelies, I think this blog post is a much-needed form of therapy for me so bare with.
For the past couple of months, I have been working solidly with my holiday to Berlin as my first break. Those two weeks off work meant time for a lot of thinking. In that time I went back and forth on what it was that I wanted to do with my life. It started with ‘Yes apply to drama school, be an actor!’ then went to ‘no I don’t want to act anymore’, ‘I want to be an events planner’, ‘I want to go to University’.
As you can see it’s all very confusing and I just keep hitting a wall. I’m unsure of where to go next or what options to chose. But after plenty of emotional breakdowns, I have come to realise that I don’t necessarily have to decide right this second. I am 20 years old for crying out loud.
The thing that is really hard for me right now is being away from my family, my support system. I have my boyfriend and his family, and my own family is on the other end of the phone. I do feel a little lonely or isolated right now. I am surrounded by people working towards their dreams with a good understanding of where they want to go. All of my friends are in a completely different time of their lives to me so it makes it harder to truly understand each other. Also the fact everyone I know is so busy at drama school it makes socialising really difficult.
Being 20 is really weird. I’m not sure what I am doing and its okay because I’m only 20. Right!
Last night I had quite a cry with my boyfriend, not the first time. (haha!) But it resolved with putting my blog in the front of my mind. It had never crossed my mind before but having a boyfriend who is good with computers and stuff will be so helpful in making my blog better!
So after full-on face planting into a wall last night I am smashing my way through it by focusing on my blog. Also, focus on myself, really find out what it is I want to do not what I think I should be doing.
I feel as though not enough people do this, focus on themselves. And for me, that is my new goal. Stuff what other people think or say but do what makes me happy and inspired.
So I guess writing this I am holding myself accountable to keep my chin up and get on with it. Get a notepad and a cup of tea or coffee and write down what you want to do!
If you’re in a life predicament then do something about and don’t fall at the wall.