“No one likes change but sometimes change is exactly what you need.”
For a while, I had this fluttering feeling in my belly, the beginning of a need for something new. It took me quite a while to realise what this emotion was but once I did it made so much
Like some people I thought I knew what I wanted to do with my life. I had a plan and everything I did went towards achieving that goal. That for me was acting. I wanted to go to Drama School and train to become an actor. That was it! I chose my GCSE’s and A-Levels around this and finally when I finished school I auditioned for two years at different drama schools around the country. I decided to take the offer of a Foundation Course at GSA in Acting. After this year of actor training, I planned to audition again for other schools. When this didn’t go to plan, I hit a bit of a wall.
I didn’t know where to turn to or what to do next. I’d fallen out of love with drama and acting which is something I had never thought would happen. These thoughts came so suddenly, I didn’t know what to do.
But after a long long time of having constant battles with myself, I learnt that it is OK to not know what I want to do. I’ve spoken about this before but today on my way home from work I was listening to Fearne Cotton’s Podcast (which I reviewed in a previous blog post if you click here) where she was talking to Alexandra Shulman about similar situations, leaving jobs and relationships but having ‘The Fear’. I have never heard something so relatable. Having that idea to change is one thing but taking that leap into the abyss whether that is changing job or leaving a relationship. Leaving what you know and what is comfortable for you can be horrendously scary and this stops many from taking that jump. For me I had to, I was becoming sad, confused and very unsure of myself and my purpose. So I knew I had to do something. Jump.
After finally plucking up the courage to look for alternatives I came across many different courses, universities and loads of other alternatives. However, University became the one that stuck out. Something I had previously hated the thought of became the new goal. I found this rather difficult, going against previous thoughts, going back on comments and decisions I have made. Also, part of my fear was letting my family down and disappointing them. After years of their support for my future career in acting, which is expensive, I felt nervous to tell them of my thoughts and feelings, of course, they were all super supportive!!! This isn’t an end for my relationship with acting and drama, we’re just on a break. (Friends reference anyone?)
“That initial breakout into something new can be hard.”
1. Your life. Your decision. Don’t let the fear of other people opinions stop you from making yourself happy
2. Research. Find out everything you need to know. Go in there with a brain packed full of knowledge in whatever it is your going into.
3. Don’t dwell. Looking back is nice, you can reminisce and think of some good times but don’t dwell on the past, move forward.
Since making that jump I have become so much more content and happy. That is the most important thing!
Starting something new is going to be scary but I am so excited to get started on my next venture. I hope this has provided some comfort for someone, knowing that its okay to not know and also okay to know what it is you want to do. Changing your mind is a natural and normal thing. I want to write more about my university journey once it gets started so let me know topics you would like me to cover.
My mum is a firm believer in fate and I think fate knew that acting wasn’t meant to be right now and that it okay!
“Fail splendidly. Fail comfortably. Use failure as a redirect, not as a measure of your worth or value. Fail beautifully.”